Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The message that threw me off track

He sent me this message back in July 2008. I found this message last week as I was cleaning and clearing up my FB inbox. I have taken care of the rest of his stuff, not that there was anything much. 5 years of a relationship and it didn't even filled a plastic bag. How sad is that. My tally - 3 birthday cards, 2 Christmas cards, 1 $2 lottery ticket, a pair of white polyster g-string, a pirated copy of a Bee Gees DVD, a pair of rusty clip on earrings, a pair of pierce wooden earrings (it was not made out of wood, made of out raffia strings wrapped around to look like wood) and a State Transit t-shirt. That was it.  I took care of those together with the emails and photos months ago.
I sat reading and re-reading this message. Nothing has changed, if anything it made a mockery of the entire relationhip, I feel. I am still debating whether to delete this message or not.
A friend said this, "Delete the messages... You would probably not enjoy the day to day reality of living with him 24 / 7 and he could probably not cope with the reality of you either..................". Maybe she is right, I should just delete and save myself an awful lot of aggro.

This is the message
"As far as my wife is concern, I have not loved her for the past 20+ years, and I am not capable of loving her again, ever. Care perhaps and sad it has to end like this.

The reason I took that decision is mainly of you, being able to truly and genuinely share the rest of my life with you. You wanted no compromise as you have told me so emphatically, and I have made that decision. Irregardless whether physically or in spirit, I don't want anymore of this 'hide and seek' games, had enough of it.

We'll wait till october and see what the outcome is. As I have said before, first I will have to regain your trust. And I'll will be very open, none of those gwi giw sie sie business anymore. And furthermore, if you feel that you want to abandon it as it is, please do so cleanly and quickly. I don't honestly believe we can still remain friends, as in very good friends and live as if nothing has happened between us. I certainly cannot live like this.

The decision to spurn my approach is entirely up to you, but what I ask of you is to give it a go in October and then decide.
This time you will have the chance to 'toss' me into the bottomless rubbish bin, and leave me forever. "

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