I need to exorcise and exercise too. Lists, I like lists. I like organisation. I like neat, tidy and being organised. I am not very good at holding onto anger. I get angry really quickly and I lose the anger momentum, hence a list to remind myself constantly.
1. Breakfast Buffet at Excelsior. I looked at him in the eyes and asked him straight off the bat- do you love me? His reply - I don't love you, I can't love someone thats hardly there for me. I left and 2 days latter I flew back to London. I came back to work 2days earlier than plan.
2. Legend. Did I say that I was spending the evening with you? Well, I am out with my friends now. You do what you want. And with those words, I was abandoned for the day, even though I had initially planned and agreed to spend time with my friends but he said that he's alone without plans.
3. If only I lose some weight. Or translate to being that I am fat.
4. I have big tits. Thats quoting him verbatim
5. I am too opinionated. Why do I have an opinion on everything?
6. What are you wearing? You look taller than I am.
7. You spend all your time with your friends, what about me?
8. Legend and the Viagra episode. His wife called several times those few days and screamed and screamed down the phone. The words she used, her screams and his pleadings, I could see hear them even now. And the lies that poured out in order to placate his wife and me. I didn't even know about the viagra prescriptions. I offered to cut short the holiday and asked that he goes home and placate his wife.
9. San Siro. The outrageous flirting that evening it was so awful that even the managress said to me that evening. Made me feel like another spare parts.
10. Put away your things, hide them, my friends are coming.
11. Bali. Three incidents. (a) at the temple. Openly asked the monk about "sampling" with a wink. The monk said that its disrespectful to me and he shrugged his shoulders and told the monk that I am not his wife. Made me feel like a heel. (b) at a local restaurant. The waitress came to sit us down and started asking polite questions only for him to wink and flirt, words littered with innuendos. (c)timeshare sales pitch where he made a pass with a sales lady behind the bank of desks. I am not a jealous type woman nor am I suspicious, I don't mind mild flirtations, but these sort of behaviour in front of me is being disrespectful. Its sends out a message, the message says you are not even in my list of priorities you rank lower than my dog.
12. Indulgence. I said no. No, do not come over. He came over, had sex, got up from the bed went to the toilet, got cleaned up, flush the toilet, put his Farah pants/shorts back on, a peck on the cheeks and told me that he has to get back to his hotel. Am I some lowlife, pond scum or prostitute?
13. Novotel. Please do not let my friend know that we have been in KL together when he comes to take us to the airport tomorrow. Please say that you bumped into me at the hotel lobby and I agreed to take you to the airport. I mean, come on, hotel lobby is full at 5am, how stupid does he thinks his friend is? I made my own way to the airport that day.
14. 4months. He vanished, no word nothing. One day at the airport, each of us flying back to our homes, next thing I know, he dropped off the face of the earth. One morning I woke up crying endlessly, so I texted him to call me. He did. I asked him what happened? His words - I demand too much. I am selfish, too selfish. I doesn't love me. He cannot love me as I am a really selfish person.
15. Apparently, I am exactly like my father, abusive- emotionally and physically abusive.
16. I told him that his cousin looks fantastic. He ranted, of course, she is single with no family or kids, of course she looks good. I was gobsmacked.
17. Where were you last year, when I needed you just to be there?
18. After Douglas has passed away, I spoke to him, his words - I told you he will die soon anyway, whats the big deal? You hated him. Yes, indeed Douglas was an asshole but he was a figure in my life for over 20years. I call him Dad, he was my father in law and Isabella's grandfather.
19. Taxi Midnight Incident. The cabbie was making creepy passes at me, I had wanted someone to speak to me, keep me company until I reach the airport. It was midnight I agree that its late. All he did was sent me a text and asked me to text him once I arrived at the airport. Instead Kanden kept me company and the weirdo at bay.
20. I will only speak to you between the hours of 8.30-10.30pm.
21. You are required to text me first thing in the morning - my morning and your morning.
22. My way or the highway - I want, I require.......